It was a huge gamble. Nothing much I can do but to wait patiently for the outcome. I am uncertain on which path exactly will it unfold but nonetheless the signs are starting to get clearer and clearer by the minute. Eventually, we will all be able to distinguish from what's real and what's fake.

Truth

Occasionally, you will question yourself on what is there to hold on to. You begin to see the bigger picture and see how insignificant your presence becomes. You begin to see through those veil of delusions that you subconsciously put up just so you could hide behind the inconvenient truth. Like everything else, time is subjective but it has its way of unveiling the truth. No matter how hard you try, the truth will always find its way back to you. The question then will be if you are gonna accept it or just stall the inevitable.

Where do we begin?

Finals are almost drawing to an end and I have to say that this is definitely no easy feat. Believe it or not but this is the most hardworking I have ever been. I have never ever studied this much or hard before which explains the mediocre results then. Unfortunately hard work does not always equate to doable or easy papers. Frankly, despite the "enormous" amount of effort put in, I was really struggling to even complete the paper. Needless to say that I left some questions uncompleted or even blank. I might take comfort in the fact that I am not alone in this situation here but I still feel a little disappointed partly because of the time and effort I put in and also because I felt that I could have done much better. Better as in a few more marks and not near perfection for the paper. I am well aware that I am not that smart and those who actually found the papers relatively easy, good job and you have my respect. What is done, is done. So I guess I just gotta hang in there till my last paper which is very soon and finally get back to my social life. One thing I learnt throughout this whole exam period is that you might sometimes find the strength you need in the most unlikeliest of sources.  

Ratu

Ratapan naluri 
Memanggilkan namamu 
Kerana pertemuan ini 
Akanku abadikan 
Segala memori 
Kulewati waktu itu 
Didalam pelukanku 
Gugurnya pemisah 
Di antara kita terbinanya 
Satu mercu tanda 
Cinta yang setia 
Meredahi masa meniti usia 
Hingga keakhirnya 
Kuabadi cinta dihati ini

Survival

We often overlook and underappreciate the slightest of things leading up to the tough times. Be it a small gesture or something as little as a good luck wish. As such, we develop this tendency or false impression that we are left all alone to face and overcome the unpredictable tides. Maybe is it is just human nature to be selfish and to save one self from the upcoming storm. Survival of the fittest they say. Naturally, our mindset will drown away the cries/rally of others and brace ourselves for the impending impact. Then again, not all would pull through or survive unscathed.

Here I am, not being able to fall back to sleep again. It gets frustrating at times because you know you have to be up early but you can't seem to grab some proper shut eye. Instead, you will end up counting down to the number of hours left and gradually you will be left with minutes and the next thing you know, you have to be up.

I guess it is not easy to always turn a blind eye to something so blatant. It makes me question. Questions my rationale, questions the purpose, questions after questions but yet no answer for.

Give it a rest will you?

Numerous nights I spent trying to fall asleep but ironically, my eyes would only grow heavy from all the attempts of falling to sleep. As such, I will try something different for a change. As I sit by the ledge of this room of mine, I will immerse myself in my unspoken thoughts that I long neglected.

The past three months had been an eye opener and much of a culture shock for me. University is really a totally different ball game altogether. Everything is all about grades. Everyone seems to be competitive. No wait, everyone is competitive. Grades are all that matter at the end of the day. Every day, apart from the lectures and assignments we have to keep up with, there will always be test dates or reports due at the back of our minds. These just make uni life a mundane vicious cycle because week in and out, your workload will be similar to the week before and it gets piled up every single week. It is a no wonder you see people with the word "stress" scribbled all over their faces. Of course there are exceptions but mostly, the stress is there.

Nonetheless, I learnt that in order for us to survive this experience, it is always good to have friends that you can rely on to make going to school less miserable than it already is. I am thankful to have such great company at my hall and also my new friends. I guess sometimes you don't always have to carry the burden by yourself.

It is always hard making the right decision or saying the right things. At times, you can't help but to swallow your words despite the fact that you are right but would rather leave it as it is so as to alleviate the situation. At times, you just don't have the heart to say it because you will risk hurting one's feelings. Ignorance is really a bitch but then again, what can be done if one decides to just be that way.

"Treat others the way you would want them to treat you or treat them the way they treat you?" That question never fails to amuse me. It is hard to give an answer because for both, it can be dependent on your mood at that point in time. True enough that the ethical answer will be to treat others the way you would treat them but then again, they are not you and they do not think or act accordingly like you. So it will backfire and that leaves us to the other option which is the less ethical one.

If you ask me, the first is the ethical and the one I will choose because although others may not be me but they do not define who I am or who I should be. They do not dictate who I will be. It is all about your own principles my friend and you stand by it unless your principles are a little flawed then you change it for the better. Then again,  that's my stand and my decision alone. Others may differ in opinions