This month has really been a meaningful month. Today marks the end of the fasting month and the first daylight of Syawal will soon greet us with the much anticipated eagerness and happiness from all muslims worldwide. Some might get greeted earlier than others but it is okay, due to the differences in time zone, it will still come to your shores sooner or later. No one will be left out so no biggy.

They say that those who really understood the rationale of having this fasting month at the first place will feel saddened that Ramadhan has left us. Ramadhan is supposed to be the month where we all reflect and repent on what we have done throughout the year or our lives. However, it does not mean that all muslims only repent during the Ramadhan period. What it means is that god has given us the opportunity and time to do so. It serves as a reminder from god to all.

Don't get me wrong by picturing me as a religious or holy person. Maybe a person with a lot of holes and gaps in his life then yeah, that's me. I'm just trying my best to rectify my wrongs and be a better person. This Ramadhan, I deliberately made a few "niat"-s so as to make this month worthwhile and not waste it away like what I did for the years that have past. I kept to what I wanted to do throughout and I am truly grateful to have learnt a lot from this month as opposed to the previous years.

Sometimes, I kept asking myself if god will ever forgive me for all the sins that I have committed because it is too great for even me, to forgive myself. Like even my ego concedes defeat. But then again, who am I to say if I am forgiven or not. All I can do is hope for that one day, I may be forgiven. Ada hadis yang berkata but I shall not go into that.

If I were to enumerate whatever I have learnt from this month alone, it will take me hours to do so. Knowing me, I shall take the easier route out and typed on what particularly touched me this time round. Have you ever thought about what will it be like to lose someone very dear to you? And to make matters worse, you have not exactly been treating the person right all this while? I am guilty of that. The person I was referring to is my grandmother. She is senile now and have her off days here and there but does that give me the right to completely disrespect her and just ignore her existence? I know it is frustrating at times but that is the very woman that doted and looked after me when I was still very young. I know for a fact that I was very close to my grandma. When I was about 4-6 years of age, I vividly recalled her making me milk each time I asked, brought me out to the market, bought me toys and carrot juice all the time. I'm smiling to myself now because up till now, I still drink the carrot juice even at school. I am probably the only loser buying that can drink from the canteen each time but hey, I like it. She used to send and fetched me during my kindergarten days and cooked her nice " Lemak Ketam" once in a while just for her grandchildren. Whenever my mom scolded me, I would run to her room and hid behind her and she would comfort me. She would be like " alalala cucu nenek ni kesian nye. Jangan nangis k? " and sang her songs. Up till now I never really did understand what she was singing then but I assumed those were the songs people sang during the kampung days. The point is, she is a part of my life and will always be a part of my life no matter the circumstances. If she were to go, I don't wanna regret not being able to be there for her during her last stages. I don't wanna regret knowing that I could have expressed and repay her love and care all this while but didn't. I don't wanna live with that regret. It made me realized how much I love her and care for her. The whole point being, not living with regrets and fulfilling one's responsibility. Thank you for making me realize that.

I learned that we have to give ourselves some allowance to make mistakes because only with that, can you learn from it and better ourselves. We cannot always be so hard down on ourselves over a mistake and let it hinder us in our progress in life. I learned that god has something in store for everyone. When one door closes, another opens. We just have to persevere and hang tough. I learned that sometimes, you just gotta do things on your own. You don't always have your friends or family to support you all the time no matter how ideal the situation gets. I learned that by forgiving, then you are letting go of the past. I learned a couple more but i think I have reached a point where my brain has maxed out its capacity to think at this point of time.


One more thing I have been meaning to say but didn't get the chance to; In love, it is not always about getting what you want but the sacrifices you make.

Eid Mubarak