Doubts and dilemmas. Some might appear as minor bumps on the road. Some might be more visible in a form of a huge hump or gaps. Some might be more perplexed with winding roads which might lead you to very different routes. Whatever you picture it, it is still there and you have to undergo it one way or another. It is a phase whereby everyone has gone through over and over again and will still go through in life. It is inevitable.
I've always blogged about my reflections and thoughts. But never once did I ever blog about this particular girl although she has always been the one hovering in my thoughts all day long. The past few days weren't really very productive as I chose to enclose myself in my room to do some really deep reflections and contemplations. Every time when I try to recall those moments, it never fails to bring out a smile in me. I first met her at Huda's birthday celebration at the Esplanade. It was probably our first time going out with a group of Cedarians. Well, it was awkward. Initially we were both segregated into our own groups till the girls "broke the ice" and we started to ease in a little. I guess I didn't talk much because who knows what might happen. Or maybe I was just preoccupied with the others. The funny thing is, I didn't know who was who at that point of time. I only knew Huda and Mardhiah and Charis because they came over to my open house during Hari Raya that year before. The rest of their names were jumbled up. I didn't bother much about their names because I didn't have any intentions of socializing due to certain reasons. Then, a rather unexpected event took place amidst the celebration. I vaguely remembered not doing much to assist the situation. But yeah, after settling what seemed like a gone case, we all headed home. That night, I received a 'thank you' message from an unknown number. Eventually, I got to know it was her.
It was really something out of the blue and I honestly wasn't expecting any vibrations from my phone that night. Or so I thought. I was bored at that time and just messaged her for the fun of messaging. I could sense that she wasn't comfortable and was finding me annoying. Really. I recalled her commenting that I was lame. But hey, I couldn't care-less. I just knew that at the least I made a friend unintentionally. We started messaging each other for another day or two before I just stopped. Don't ask me why, I just did. I guess as a friend, I ought to not be a hindrance to her. However, I received a message from her that night and it occurred to me that she didn't want to just lose contact like so when school reopened. So yeah, no strings attached as I assured her that I would try to keep in touch with her.
The strange thing is, as soon as she messaged me that, I had this really funny feeling within me. That was when I realized that I had/have feelings for her. I wasn't too sure of her though. I took my chances and tried to get to know her better. I asked her out. We met for a couple of times before I was certain of my feelings. I remembered the time when I offered her my strawberry milk tea. She was reluctant but did drink it. So when I drank afterwards, there were like so few pearls left. I was going "Alamak, perempuan ni eh." but to myself la. Okay, the next sentence might not mean anything to those reading but it did to me. When I offered her my drink, that was for the first time she actually touched my hand. I felt that warmth. The kind of feeling when you feel all subtle and assured.
That fixed my mind. I knew what I wanted. It wasn't long before we got together but it seemed long to me because I was wondering on how should I bring it up to her. Eventually it came out from the heart. The first few months were rather the "honeymoon phase" before harsh reality kicked in. We both had our commitments and priorities. If I wasn't wrong, our first fight was something about me being too annoying for her. It was hilarious thinking about it. She was upset but there I was still trying to annoy her. How understanding was that. But hey, we didn't have disputes all the time. We had our moments. Sitting by the beach, lazing at the airport, walking aimlessly around Orchard, Sentosa and a few others. My memory is still fuzzy about the pre- O level periods but what I do remember vividly is that she was sweet enough to visit me after my surgery. She cared enough to even drop by my house at the least once a week despite how uncomfortable she was. She even took the initiative to bake me brownies and I truly appreciated that because I love brownies.
I know what happened the whole of last week till yesterday was just a mess. I was tired. She was tired. I was demanding. She was understanding. I was losing my cool. She played her cool. All those reflections got me thinking. Really thinking. I have finally found my happiness.
It's her
It's you.
Mardhiyyah.
I've always blogged about my reflections and thoughts. But never once did I ever blog about this particular girl although she has always been the one hovering in my thoughts all day long. The past few days weren't really very productive as I chose to enclose myself in my room to do some really deep reflections and contemplations. Every time when I try to recall those moments, it never fails to bring out a smile in me. I first met her at Huda's birthday celebration at the Esplanade. It was probably our first time going out with a group of Cedarians. Well, it was awkward. Initially we were both segregated into our own groups till the girls "broke the ice" and we started to ease in a little. I guess I didn't talk much because who knows what might happen. Or maybe I was just preoccupied with the others. The funny thing is, I didn't know who was who at that point of time. I only knew Huda and Mardhiah and Charis because they came over to my open house during Hari Raya that year before. The rest of their names were jumbled up. I didn't bother much about their names because I didn't have any intentions of socializing due to certain reasons. Then, a rather unexpected event took place amidst the celebration. I vaguely remembered not doing much to assist the situation. But yeah, after settling what seemed like a gone case, we all headed home. That night, I received a 'thank you' message from an unknown number. Eventually, I got to know it was her.
It was really something out of the blue and I honestly wasn't expecting any vibrations from my phone that night. Or so I thought. I was bored at that time and just messaged her for the fun of messaging. I could sense that she wasn't comfortable and was finding me annoying. Really. I recalled her commenting that I was lame. But hey, I couldn't care-less. I just knew that at the least I made a friend unintentionally. We started messaging each other for another day or two before I just stopped. Don't ask me why, I just did. I guess as a friend, I ought to not be a hindrance to her. However, I received a message from her that night and it occurred to me that she didn't want to just lose contact like so when school reopened. So yeah, no strings attached as I assured her that I would try to keep in touch with her.
The strange thing is, as soon as she messaged me that, I had this really funny feeling within me. That was when I realized that I had/have feelings for her. I wasn't too sure of her though. I took my chances and tried to get to know her better. I asked her out. We met for a couple of times before I was certain of my feelings. I remembered the time when I offered her my strawberry milk tea. She was reluctant but did drink it. So when I drank afterwards, there were like so few pearls left. I was going "Alamak, perempuan ni eh." but to myself la. Okay, the next sentence might not mean anything to those reading but it did to me. When I offered her my drink, that was for the first time she actually touched my hand. I felt that warmth. The kind of feeling when you feel all subtle and assured.
That fixed my mind. I knew what I wanted. It wasn't long before we got together but it seemed long to me because I was wondering on how should I bring it up to her. Eventually it came out from the heart. The first few months were rather the "honeymoon phase" before harsh reality kicked in. We both had our commitments and priorities. If I wasn't wrong, our first fight was something about me being too annoying for her. It was hilarious thinking about it. She was upset but there I was still trying to annoy her. How understanding was that. But hey, we didn't have disputes all the time. We had our moments. Sitting by the beach, lazing at the airport, walking aimlessly around Orchard, Sentosa and a few others. My memory is still fuzzy about the pre- O level periods but what I do remember vividly is that she was sweet enough to visit me after my surgery. She cared enough to even drop by my house at the least once a week despite how uncomfortable she was. She even took the initiative to bake me brownies and I truly appreciated that because I love brownies.
I know what happened the whole of last week till yesterday was just a mess. I was tired. She was tired. I was demanding. She was understanding. I was losing my cool. She played her cool. All those reflections got me thinking. Really thinking. I have finally found my happiness.
It's her
It's you.
Mardhiyyah.
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