Epitome of beyond redemption

Days replace days
Month replaces days


and this cycle just repeats by itself



As much as i wanted to abstain from doing so....
but somehow it just kept cropping up
it just perplexed
how do i encapsulate everything
i know its been awhile since i last visited this mundane blog of mine
this used to be where i expressed whatever during a certain juncture.
But can't to think of it, as i read my previous post
It may seem to be meaningless and rather irrational.
I can't bring myself to actually acknowledge the fact tat i used to keep such feelings
towards the one i loved.
Maybe during tat certain point time, i may be pissed at tat moment
or rather sentimental towards everything
But hey, no one is perfect despite them trying to be a perfectionist
i have my flaws and sins
I suppose this blog is where i left my scars
I don't know
begging may be just a mere option
i did contemplate on everything
regardless of where ever i am
my mind is still stuck onto this particular person
How distraught my mind appears to be
that thought just won't fade away
I have heard many opinions on tat matter, just follow your heart they say,
but wouldn't tat be just a selfish reason to keep whatever u wanted?
As in, deep within ur heart lies whatever you contrive to obtain rite?


I now really understand what true friends are about
the ones tat stick with you through thick and thin
embracing ones problem as though they too faced it
The ones who wouldnt abandon u despite all ur pleads to stand alone


they were there
but was i there for them?
Be it rain or shine, can i?


I regretted everything
sesal dahulu pendapatan, sesal kemudian tidak berguna
like what my mom said
just her words to me to remind me of the decisions i made or make


would it be easy for her to just accept me despite all those
as in why would she be with the one who nvers is able to bring the smile out of her
Each time i tried to make it up,
i always endd up screwing everything up
just like my previous one
i phoned, msged, waited
and waited
then it just grew unbearable
i met this better someone

who i thought on maybe i will be able to treat her better than b4
i simply ignored the rumours and went ahead with it
tats what i felt within me during tat juncture
she simply brought another stretch of colours into my life
she made me realised tat despite whoever i am
what matters its just what we have within us



yet i still went on to extent of even complicating her life
i evoked emotions tat no one would ever wantd to
sorry is all i can afford to
i waited
and
still am
for my love to be accepted once more









ku berserah sahaja kepada yang maha esa
dengan penuh kesalan, ku bermohon
agar segala doaku direstui
keamanan serta keselesaan diri diperolehi
walaupun telah diharungi cabaran yang sulit dianggapkan




ku sesal
ku sesal
ku sesal
maafkan
penyesalanku